The Lost Times
by My life is movies 15
Summary: Different short stories that could have happened during breaks in the show. R&R plz. part 1 & 2 to 'Trapper's Return' is up & 3 is on its way!
1. The Humilation of Frank Burns

"Attention, all personal. Incoming wounded.", rang the speakers throughout the MASH unit.

The MASH 4077th was stationed 3 miles from the front line of the Korean War, 1950. As the loud speaker was saying the announcement again surgeons, nurses, and many others were running through the camp to either the helicopter or the Emergency Ward to get cleaned and suited up for another day of meat ball surgery. In all the confusion, doctors and nurses were being jostled left and right. Then from the heart of the confusion came Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, or as most called him, Hawkeye Pierce. He was the best surgeon they had and was a very funny man, but when it came to operating on someone, he was very earnest and he never faltered.

Hawkeye ran to near the emergency room ward and started help bring in the wounded. When he got to the ward, he went to the truck to get a patient. The one he got was horribly injured and his tags read Damon Spenning. He couldn't have been more then 17, and yet had lied about his age to get into the war and fight and try to be a hero. They saw things like that a lot. Looked like he was standing by either a mortar shell or a grenade when it went off because he had shrapnel fragments all up and down his right side. Luckily, none got to his head but he was bleeding horribly. Hawkeye looked to his left and saw Captain B.J. Hunnicut standing over a patient and telling the nurse to take him inside and

have him checked out immediately. B.J. had a brown haversack near him and Hawkeye need it so that he could try and slow the bleeding.

"B.J.! I need you to bring me that haversack that is by you. This kid needs intensive care but I want to see if I can slow the bleeding down.", yelled Hawkeye over a couple of new nurses who were yelling and screaming and two of them were so disgusted that they went around to the other side of the ward and threw up.

"Alright. Let me just check this soldier out real quick. Shouldn't take me more then a minute.", B.J. replied.

As soon as B.J. checked out the soldier and told the nurses what need to be done, he grabbed the haversack and ran it over to Hawkeye. When he handed it to Hawkeye, Hawkeye opened it and started to grab towels out of the bad to put pressure on the wounds. When he applied pressure the first time, a voice came from the Damon's mouth and in a very low, baffled, whisper he gasped out, "W-where am I and......what happened?", Damon looked at his leg and saw the wound and then said, "can you save me doc, or am I going to die?"

Hawkeye, almost with tears in his eyes, looked over at B.J., and then back at Damon and said in a faltered voice, "Well Damon, you've

lost a lot of blood and your wound looks pretty bad but we will do everything in out power to help you survive.", and with that Hawkeye decreed

that he and B.J. be the only ones who operate and check on Damon.

When Hawkeye said this, a very abominable and callousmajor got very angry because he did not like Hawkeye or B.J. and thought they were horrible surgeons. His name was Major Frank Burns, and if he had his way, Hawkeye and B.J. would be court marshaled and not be aloud to work on any patients. Frank went to see Colonel Sherman T. Potter to tell him he that he should think he should be the one working on Damon. He walked into the office and in a gallant voice told Colonel Potter what he thought. When he finished his explanation, Colonel Potter looked at him for about 5 seconds and then said, "Whoever said war is hell must have been in an outfit with you because all you do is moan and complain about Pierce and Hunnicut so that you can take their place, and frankly I am tired of hearing it so shove it in your ear and get out of

my office! And that's an order!", yelled Colonel Potter, and then concluding with, "Oh, and I don't want to ever catch you using the Colonels latrine again!"

Back in the emergency room, about 3 hours later, Hawkeye and B.J. were imminent on finishing on Damon. Damon survived and was very lucky that he did because things were not looking good there for a while. After he recovered, Hawkeye and B.J. had a helicopter come and get him and have it fly him to the airport in Sole and from there he would fly home. After all the excitement, Hawkeye and B.J. went back to their tent and Hawkeye walked over to the still and made them both a martini. "Wow, that was some crazy day, huh B.J.?", Hawkeye commented.

"Yeah, I don't think we've had that much wounded for at least a year. But I can tell you that after this martini is gone, I'm going to get

some well deserved sleep." B.J. replied.

As B.J. said that, an announcement came over the loud speaker and said, "Attention, all personal. Incoming wounded."

"Well B.J., looks like that well deserved sleep is going to have to wait because we have some company coming over for dinner.",

Hawkeye said with a smirk.

They put their martinis down, walked to the door. Hawkeye opened the door and said, "Ladies first!" as a joke and sprinted out the door

across the camp to run away from B.J. as B.J. chased him down to the Mess tent and inside while he yelled, "I'll get you Hawkeye and you know it!".

The two ran into the tent and knocked over Frank in the process, making him spill all the food on his tray on his clothes. Hawkeye and B.J. then ran back out the Mess tent doors and ran to the Emergency ward so they could prepare for surgery. As Frank got up, he said in a very angry voice, "I swear, I will get those two idiots if its the last thing I do on this planet!"

As he was saying that, Colonel Potter came in. "What the hell are you doing on the ground, Burns? And why do you have food all over your clothes? Well, never mind that cause we have more casualties now get going, and be sure to get your clothes washed after, damnit. I don't want any slobs in my outfit. Now get going!"

And with that said, Frank got up and wobbled out of the Mess tent and started walking towards the Emergency ward, mumbling something to himself angrily. After four hours of intense work in the E.R., Hawkeye and B.J. looked as if they were going to fall asleep standing up. "Nice job today you two," Colonel Potter said, smiling and then continued, "now go get some rest. You two have had a very hectic day. If anymore wounded come, we will only come and get you if its serious cause you really need your rest."

"Thanks Colonel," Hawkeye said, "but if they are any wounded, just come and get us. We wouldn't be such great surgeons if we didn't do so much surgery on all this kids filled with lead."

"He's right you know, Potter? Just come and get us. You have said it yourself, we are the two best damn surgeons you have ever seen so just come and get us, alright?" B.J. said softly, about to fall asleep.

"Well if that's what you two want."

"It is Colonel, trust us!" Hawkeye said with a wide smile on his face. "Now then, come have a martini with us Colonel and take a load off. When it comes to R and R, we are the only two you can come to who do it right," Hawkeye continued while walking to their tent, "so lets go boys and girls! To the still!"

And with that said, the three surgeons walked to Hawkeye and B.J.'s tent to have a drink and to sleep. While they were walking, Frank came out of his tent yelling extremely loud. "You bumbling idiots! Do you have any idea what you did to me today?! My clothes are all covered in food because you knocked me to the ground! If that wasn't enough, you have humil.....", Frank was yelling until he noticed Colonel Potter was with them.

"Oh, uh, he he, Colonel, what are you doing here?" Frank said, starting to sweat profusely and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Frank, what the hell are you yelling about now? I swear if its not one thing its another with you, now shut up before I have you arrested for the disturbance of the peace!" Colonel Potter yelled, his voice cracking.

"But, I, uh..." Frank tried to stammer something out, but couldn't.

"Now get out of here!" Colonel Potter yelled, looking him dead in the eyes with the meanest and angriest looking eyes Frank had ever seen.

"Uh, um, y-y-yes sir!" Frank stammered while saluting and then running away.

"That was remarkable Sherman!" B.J. said, smiling.

"I have never seen you Frank's face so damn pale before!" Hawkeye said, gasping for breath because he was laughing so hard.

"Well, it was about time someone put him in his place and I was just the man to do it. Now how bout that martini you were promising me? Potter said with a smirk on his face.

"Your right, lets go have those martinis." B.J. said.

"Right then, to the tent!" Hawkeye yelled and pointing towards the tent, still trying to catch his breath from seeing Frank so pale.

As the three walked inside the tent, the word of what had happened to Frank had spread, and Frank was humiliated. And that's how the surgeons liked it at the 4077th, when Frank was put in his place. It was just another day at the 4077th.


	2. Trapper's Return,Part 1:The Message

It was a cold mid-November morning in North Korea. The sun hadn't come up over the hills yet and it was so quite you could here the people throughout the camp snoring. It had been a long week for the people at the 4077th. They had done 5 days straight of meatball surgery. Hawkeye, B.J., and Frank were all inside The Swamp sleeping. There was a knock on the door of the Swamp and there was a silhouette of a smaller person coming through the screen. "Unless your coming to tell us the war is over go away or there will be consequences." Hawkeye said in a groggy voice from under the covers of his bed.

"This is important Hawkeye!" the voice from outside the door whispered angrily.

"Radar, is that you?" Hawkeye said back to him, whispering as not to wake up B.J. or Frank.

"Yeah its me. Who else would be sent out here at four fifty in the morning to deliver a message?" Radar replied.

"Alright, get in here and shut the door behind you." Hawkeye said getting up out of his bed and walking over to the fireplace in the middle of the tent.

Radar walked into the tent and sat at the end of the bed while Hawkeye grabbed some wood from under B.J.'s bed, some paper from Frank's notebook and threw it into the fireplace. He then walked over to his little desk, grabbed some matches, lit one, and then threw it into the fireplace. After a few moments, some light started spreading through the room as did some heat. "Now then, what's up, Radar?" Hawkeye said pulling up a chair.

"I have a message for you." Radar said, putting his hand into his pocket and digging through it to find the message. "I know it's here. I just had it. Oh, thank goodness, here it is." He said pulling it out of his pocket and handing it over to Hawkeye.

Hawkeye took the letter from Radar and read it aloud. "'Dear Hawkeye, Trapper here. It's been a while hasn't it? Well, I got back here to the states and it was fun for a little while but things got dull. So I'm coming to visit ya'. I'm in Tokyo right now and should be there on about, umm, Wednesday. See you then.' Did you hear that! Trapper is coming back to visit! I couldn't wait for the war to end just so I could go back and see him but this is even better. He's coming to see us Radar! He's coming to see us!" Hawkeye yelled with enthusiasm.

All his yelling woke up BJ and Frank. "Pierce, What do you think you are doing yelling at this hour of the morning!" Frank said furiously sitting up in his bed.

"Yeah Hawk, for once I have to actually go with Frank. What is with all the yelling?" B.J. said weakly, showing he hadn't had a decent amount of sleep in a long time.

"Trapper is coming to visit us!" Hawkeye yelled, answering their questions.

Frank's face turned a very pale white, even with the fire's glow on his face it was obvious. "You mean to tell me that McIntyre is coming back here! And he is going to be hanging you two buffoons the entire time! This is terrible! Outrageous! Uncalled for! He can not come here! There will be mass chaos with the three of you together! I will see to it that he is not aloud back here. I'm going to Colonel Potter at once!" Frank yelled.

Frank got out his bed and put on his coat and boots on. He stood up and was going to walk out the door when Hawkeye stood up and got in front of the door. "Not so fast, Frank. You can't stop Trapper from coming. He's like a brother to me. We haven't seen each other for over a year and a half. If you do this I swear to god that you will not have a winking moment of peace. I will make your life a living hell." He said in a furry.

B.J. and Radar were just sitting back watching this speechlessly. No one had ever seen Hawkeye act like this before. Then finally B.J. said something, "Frank, I think you'd better listen to him. I think Hawk actually means business this time."

"Oh you pipe down Hunnicutt! I don't need you to give me advice. When I want advice, I'll ask you for it. But until then, pipe down." Frank shot back at him, glaring at him.

This outraged Hawkeye and he did something no one had ever seen him to before. He clenched his fist with the letter still in his hand, pulled back, and punched Frank in the face, knocking him out cold in one blow. Hawkeye's face was red with furry. Frank had finally crossed the line with Hawkeye. Sure he could messed with Hawkeye and B.J. all the time but when it came to him trying to stop Hawkeye from seeing Trapper and then yelling at B.J., Hawkeye snapped. B.J. and Radar looked at Frank, then over at Hawkeye, then back down at Frank who was lying in the dirt motionless. "Y-y-you knocked Frank out cold! No one has ever done that before. It's amazing. And who woulda' thought that you, Hawkeye Pierce, would do it?" Radar said from the corner of the room sitting next to an astonished faced B.J.

"He finally crossed the line with me." Hawkeye said through clenched teeth.

He finally unclenched his hand and the crumbled up message fell to the ground. There was quite in the tent for a couple minutes until Hawkeye finally cooled down and said, "Wow, I have never been that angry before, or at least not that I can remember. I mean sure, I've been angry, but I have never done something like that before. Oh well, its over now. I'm going to talk to Potter in the morning and see what we can do about Frank while Trapper is here. Until then, well, I guess we will just have to try and not mention what happened."

"Alright, but the only person that we have to convince not to do that is Frank, and I honestly don't think he will." B.J. replied.

"Well, actually, after what just happened, I think Hawkeye has the advantage here." Radar said, clearing his voice, and then continuing, "Hawkeye, is kind of like the hero of the camp now. He's put Frank in his place."

"That is true. We can play this to our advantage with good old Burnsy boy." B.J. said laughing. "Oh, I can't wait to meet Trapper, either. It's going to be so great."

"With the mention of Trapper's name, Hawkeye cheered up and said smiling, "Yeah, it's going to be great. I can't wait 'till he arrives. We are going to have a lot of fun. Even more then usual."

**Will Be Continued in "Trapper's Return, Part 2"**


	3. Trapper's Return,Part 2:The Day before h...

After about ten minutes of silence, Hawkeye finally spoke again. "I've never felt that angry before. Even as a kid, I can't ever remember being that angry at anyone or anything. The anger just, took over. I even scared myself. Wow, I better lay down."

Hawkeye walked over to his bed and laid back. Radar and B.J. sat and watched Hawkeye for about a minute until they finally got up. They walked over to where Frank was laying. He was covered in dirt and had a little blood dripping down the side of his mouth. Radar bent over and wiped the blood off with a handkerchief he had in his pocket. B.J. looked down at him and then over at Radar. "I think that we should put him back in his bed. Maybe we can make him think that everything was just a dream." B.J. said, though hesitant that his plan would actually work.

"It's worth a shot." Radar said back to him, he to a little hesitant.

They bent down and grabbed his arms and legs and put him back in his bed. They took off his jacket and boots and put them back where they had been before Frank had put them on. Then, after finishing everything, Radar walked over to the door and opened it. "Well, this has been a very interesting morning. But, if you guys will excuse me, I am going back to bed for now. I'll see you guys in the morning."

Radar walked out the door, and then stopped and came back in. "What if Frank remembers what happened? Don't you think that he'll tell someone?"

"Not to worry. No one is ever going to believe him, and all we have to do is convince him he had a bad dream and accidentally hit himself in the face." B.J. replied.

"Oh, alright. Ok, goodnight again."

Hawkeye rolled over and loudly said, "Goodnight, Radar dearest!" with a smirk on his face.

B.J. too said goodnight as Radar left the Swamp. Then B.J. spoke up, "I think that I'm going with Radar's idea. I'm going back to bed. I'll see you in the morning. I'm still in utter shock about what you did earlier. I mean that was incredible. But, whatever. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Beej. See you in the morning." Hawkeye replied wearily.

Hawkeye laid in his bed for about five minutes until he finally went back to bed. Even in his sleep, all he could think about was how happy he was that Trapper was indeed coming back to see him. When Hawkeye finally woke up, it was late morning. He could tell by how much sun was coming into the Swamp. He turned over and looked at his watch on his desk next to the bed. It read eleven forty-eight. Then Hawkeye sat up and looked around the Swamp. B.J. and Frank were both gone and he could hear all the personnel were kicking back and having fun.

He forced himself out of bed and put on a shirt, his army pants, and his shoes and walked out of the Swamp. He stood out side the door and took a deep breath of air and smiled. He loved the fresh air in the mornings, it reminded him of his home back in the United States. Hawkeye stretched out his arms and then started walking again. He started walking towards the Mess tent to see if B.J. was there. He started walking through the compound and saw all the personnel were having some good deserved R&R. He saw them playing football, others playing basketball, a couple playing a game of baseball, and a select few who were out hitting golf balls into the mine field behind the 4077th.

Hawkeye and B.J. had created that game. Oh how much they loved it. Every chance they got they were out there hitting away. They even got Henry to go and play with them once. Oh, how Hawkeye missed Henry, too. It too, had been two years since he had seen him, and it would be much longer as long as Hawkeye lived to a ripe old age. Henry had gotten to go home but his helicopter got shot down by the North Koreans. He never even got to say goodbye to his wife or kids. When Hawkeye thought about it, there was a sinking feeling in his stomach. Hawkeye quickly got off that subject and then remembered what he was doing.

As he finally reached the Mess tent, he heard a voice calling him from behind. "Hawk! Hey, Hawk!" the voice yelled from behind.

Hawkeye turned around and there was B.J. Hawkeye ran over to where B.J. was standing and stopped to a dead halt when he got there. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you." Hawkeye said.

"Oh sorry, I was over playing basketball with a couple of the guys." B.J. replied.

He was sweating profusely so you could see that he had really put up an effort. "So, Hawk, I had an idea about what we could do for Trapper when he arrives." B.J. said.

"Alright, I'm all ears." Hawkeye said.

"I say that we throw him a huge 'Welcome Back to the 4077th!' party. It would be great. We could have cake and games and just hang out for a while."

"That's a great idea, Beej! Only one thing, we have to clear it with Colonel Potter, and I'm sure he already heard about last night so he most likely won't clear it."

"Don't worry about that. Sherman already heard everything from Frank and he thought Frank was nuts and sent him a way for a week to go talk to a therapist. But he knew that Frank was telling the truth, but he is happy that you did it. He said it's about time that someone did it to him and was laughing when he heard it."

"Well that just helped us. You know what, yeah lets go ask Sherman if we can have this party. I actually think he may enjoy himself. Let's go!" Hawkeye yelled as loud as he could.

Hawkeye and B.J. turned and started walking towards Sherman Potter's office. Then Hawkeye realized something, "What if Hot Lips believes Frank and tries to stop us?"

"It won't happen." Trapper replied. "She is on our side this time because she wants to actually see Trapper, so we don't have to worry about her getting in the way."

"Alright, so were all good then." Hawkeye said.

They had been walking for about five minutes and were in front of his office when they were stopped by a familiar face. Maxwell Klinger stepped in front of them and saluted. He was wearing a bright yellow dress, a flower hat, a pair of black high heels, and had a purse with him. "Good afternoon, sirs!" He said smiling, and then continuing, "Is it true that Trapper is coming back to visit us Captain Pierce?"

"First off yes, Trapper is coming back. Second, how many times have we told you to call us by our first names?" Hawkeye said laughing.

"Yeah, Kling. We aren't Frank you know. You can call us by our first names." B.J. said smiling.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you guys don't care, but anyways, so Trapper is really coming! This is so exciting! Its been two whole years since we've seen him. You guys planning anything special for him?" Klinger asked, one eyebrow raised and with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, we are actually planning on throwing him a 'Welcome Back to the 4077th' party." Trapper replied.

"Really! Ok, come on you guys, you have to let me help! I'm good at doing parties!" Klinger yelled.

"Sure, why not?" Hawkeye said. "The only thing to do now is convince Sherman to let us. If you want, Klinger, you can come with us."

"Alright." Klinger replied walking and opening the door for Hawkeye and B.J.

"Thanks, Klinger. Oh, by the way, nice dress. Its so you." Hawkeye said laughing walking inside.

B.J. followed, and he too was laughing at Hawkeye's joke. "Well thanks, my mom sent it to me last week." Klinger replied walking in and shutting the door behind him.

The three walked in and stopped behind Radar. Radar heard them come in and turned around and looked at them. Before Hawkeye could speak, Radar stood up and said, "Sure, I'll go see if Colonel Potter has time to talk to you." and then walked in to Colonel Potter's office.

Radar walked in and there, sitting behind his desk hunched over working on some papers was Colonel Sherman T. Potter. Radar stepped in front of the desk, cleared his throat, and then spoke. "Sir, Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt and Officer Klinger are here to see you."

Sherman looked up from his work and said, "Send them in Radar."

As he said that, Radar said, "Yes Sir, I'll send them in." and walked out of the room.

He walked out and said, "Alright, you guys can go see him. He's in a good mood today so don't worry about that."

"Thanks, Radar. And people say you aren't smart." Hawkeye said smiling and patting Radar on the head and then walking into Sherman's office followed by B.J. and Klinger.

The three walked in and Sherman looked at them, smiled, and then said, "Sit down. So what do you boys have on your minds?"

"Well, Colonel, with Trapper coming and all, we were wondering if it was ok to throw him a welcome back party?" Hawkeye said.

"Well I'll be damned. That's an excellent idea. Where do you figure you want to hold it?" Sherman replied.

"Well, we can just have it over in the Mess tent." B.J. said.

"Alright, then its settled! We will have a party for Trapper. When is he coming?"

"Tomorrow night, which gives us all day tomorrow to set it up." Hawkeye replied.

"Outstanding! I will get all the personnel to help set up and get our cook to bake a cake and you guys can get the games and such ready."

"Thank you, Colonel! You have no idea how much this means to us." Hawkeye said to him.

"Oh I think I might." He said smiling back. "Now if that's all, you're all dismissed. Oh, except you Hawkeye. I need to talk to you really quick.

"Uh, sure." Hawkeye said sitting back down in his chair.

As Klinger and B.J. walked out of the room, Sherman spoke again. "Hawkeye, I heard about what happened earlier this morning. Now don't get me wrong, I'm damn proud that someone finally did it, and I'm even prouder that it was you, but I need to know why you did it."

Hawkeye took a deep breath, and then started to talk. "Well, Frank was threatening to come see you and make sure that Trapper couldn't come and visit us. He's like my brother and when Frank said that, I just lost all control and my anger took over. The next thing I remember was punching Frank in the face and then going back to bed. It was so weird because I can't remember ever being that angry before."

"Well, for the next couple days, just try to control your anger and have fun. Now, go on and plan that party. You only have twenty-four more hours so get going."

"Yes Sir." Hawkeye said, as he stood up and walked out of Sherman's office. He walked towards the Swamp. All he could think about was how much fun they were going to have when Trapper arrived.

**Continued in Trapper's Return, part III**


End file.
